Short jokes
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
gamer
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Spaceballs: The Comment.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Stormtrooper: Hey Palpatine! Luke is Vader's son.
Palpatine: Knew it.
Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?
Palpatine: Slew it!
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.