Short jokes

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?

Wanna hear the car joke?

Nah, it's too fast for you.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

Why did the stoner cross the road?

He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!

Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

My life...

What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?

Morgz.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!

Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.

I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.