Short jokes
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.