Short jokes
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.