Short jokes
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
What did a car say hi to?
It said hi to the school.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄