Short jokes
Q: Why are morbid jokes so cruel?
A: Because they are!
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
What do you call an airplane that doesn’t fly?
A plane wingless.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Goats are so lazy these days. Computers have more RAM.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Where do you find the best comedians?
In the funny farm!
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!