Short jokes
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
Why did the crows form a charity?
Because it's all for good caws!
What's a dog's dream car? A Dachshund 240Z.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
"Paper is 2D!" said Pen.
"No, it's 3D!" said Pencil.
After Pencil proved it to Pen, Pen said, "Oh, I suppose you're write."