Short jokes
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What is the leader of the school supplies?
The ruler!
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.