Short jokes
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What do you call a taco in bed?
Es(tá co)stado.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Look under...
Under where?
You just said underwear!
HOLY CRAP!!!
Crap with holes in it.
Get it? HOLE - Y?
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.