Short jokes
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
Just look up texting jokes. Don't ask why, just do it.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
He do American feel like Trump is the president, he is stupid like soup.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
My favorite planet is Saturn because it is tight next to Uranus.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"