Short jokes
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters?
Anna 1 Anna 2.
Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.
Toilet paper fight hat.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Friend: What fly's and cry's?
You: A cloud.
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Donkeys are cool.