Short jokes
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
I was looking forward to some toast...
So I took the toaster in the bath with me.
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
Why do any orphans have sex?
Because they can't call anyone "daddy."
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.
oOO laLA!
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! šš„³
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Viggie tickles.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What's India's favorite font?
Comic Sanskrit.
Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"
(dude wtf)