Short jokes
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Your hairline is Vegeta’s upside down!
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
Oh, look! It's Uranus!
Latest news: a new planet has appeared close to Uranus.
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.