Short jokes

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.

Please go subscribe to Kane Brown, people; he has good songs. Please go subscribe to him, please.

In America, you find Waldo.

In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.

Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?

They can't find home plate.

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.