Short jokes

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

If you're a simp, just remember, it means "Suckers Idolizing Mediocre Pussy."

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

Which is better looking, girls or women?

Dani: What's so funny?

Tess: Your face! 'Cause you're ugly!

Dani: WHY!!!!!!!

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

Never got a mother's love, lol.

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

Shut the f*** up, I am an orphan!

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Kyler, go on this one.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.