When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Short Jokes
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
What do you call a group of black people?
A hoodie.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.
