Short jokes

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

Shut the f*** up, I am an orphan!

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Kyler, go on this one.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.

Please go subscribe to Kane Brown, people; he has good songs. Please go subscribe to him, please.

In America, you find Waldo.

In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.