Short jokes

Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?

They can't find home plate.

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.

What Did Iran Say To Oman?

"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"

What do you call an abo with a shotgun?

Sir.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

What's Kobe's favorite song? "It's Going Down" for real.