Short jokes
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."
What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.
Eggy joke for all to enjoy!
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.
Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."
Kid: 😭
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.