Short jokes

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Normal person: "I'm perfect!"

Goth person: "Nobody is."

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Stop posting things on orphan jokes, then!

What do call six gay men going in a war?

Rainbow Six Siege.

UHH, DADDY!

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

You gonna poop someday.

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.