Short jokes

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?

Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.

What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?

Okay, who the heck is watersharky? He just tries to "help" people, and he just posts stupid songs because he acts like he is depressed.

when the sus.

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.

What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.

How do you be friends with a musician?

B minor.

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"

Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

You're so short, you have to yell to talk to people!

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

Penny.