Short jokes
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
Why did Orphan become famous?
Because he didn't need parent permission.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.
You people who look at this sight, shame on you, fucking idiots!
Went to see a psychic the other day.
I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"
So I turned around and left.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.