Short jokes
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
What do you call your mom?
Basement bound.
Guess what?
What?
Chicken butt!
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"