Short jokes
What do you call gulls in the sea? Seagulls!
My friend: You're ugly.
The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.
Harrison
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
Don't crack this joke up!
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
Why are mountains so smart?
'Cause they have a degree.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Why did Elsa's dog run away?
Because she let it go!
Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Dimetrodon, dimetrodon.
Titanic hit a dimetrodon.
Your hairline [is] so bad, we needed to pull it from another universe.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.