Short jokes
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
Your forehead is so large, if I drew an H on it, maybe Kobe could've landed.
Yo forehead so large, it has its own gravitational pull.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?
She gagged and took it like a champ.
Why the "hell" is this here?
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D