Short jokes
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?
He was a brave sucker.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
I want to be a pilot.
What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?
One you cut into 2 with a knife.
And the watermelon you cut into pieces.