Short jokes

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?

Computers don’t really have a specific religion.

What kind of knickers is the best?

Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.

What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.

What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?

Kilometers Morales.

What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

What's big, black, and touches children?

Harambe.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.