Short jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yo mama!
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.