Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.
Pussy, asshole, cunt.
Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.
Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.
Jesus Harold Christ!
Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!
What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It taste like shit and I hate it.
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.
NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.
Why did the chicken cross the road
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
You know shit is going down when anything pumped up kicks related is brought into school.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?
Nothing, they both spout shit.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
