Shit jokes

Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.

What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It tastes like shit, and I hate it.

NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

You know shit is going down when anything pumped up kicks related is brought into school.

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

Me: "What are you doing??"

Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

Me: "I don't know."

Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

Don't bully kids.

Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?

To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.

Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!

I don't give two shits about how evil these are. They're funny.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.