Shit Jokes

What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Me: "What are you doing??"

Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

Me: "I don't know."

Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

Don't bully kids.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

The image contains two posts from the anonymous image board 4chan. The first post is by someone who was released from prison after serving four years for a bank robbery, though they pled down to aggravated assault. They now wonder what to do for work besides drive a truck. The second post replies with a plan to start a youtube channel to critique bank robberies in video games, and eventually talk about prison life to get 350k subscribers and make more money than most people.

Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?

To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.

What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

He said, "Fuck this shit!"

Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

I don't give two shits about how evil these are. They're funny.

Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.

Bully: You are a piece of shit.

Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.

Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"

To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."

Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."

The police said "How old are you?"

Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.