Shit jokes
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Memes
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
Shit.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!