Shit

Shit jokes

Shit memes

Pillow

    • My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."

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    • Politics

    • A boy asks his father:

    "What is politics?"

    Father answers:

    "It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

    Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

    Our maid is the working class.

    Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

    The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

    Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

    The next day his father asks him:

    "So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

    The boy says:

    "Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

    Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

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    • People

    • White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

    Natives: Can y-

    White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

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    • Car

    • So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

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    • Test

    • Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

    When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

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