Shit

Shit jokes

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Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

  • 1

    • The clock struck one!

    Then down did come!

    Hickory dickory doc

    What am I?

    Random- a mouse?

    Me- no dumb shit!

    Random- what is it?

    Me- the guillotine!

    There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

    Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

    69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

    58008 (flip calculator)

    Boobless.

  • 6

    • Timmy: *grabs box of Trojans*

    Daddy:...

    Timmy: Well come on diddy!

    Daddy: Well shit lets go son!

    Both: YEE YEE

    SWEET HOME ALABAMA

    So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."

    Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

    Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

    Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

    Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

    My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

    So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

  • 5

    • JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

    Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

    It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.