Shit jokes
Do I sit broken-hearted?
I came to sh*t and only farted.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
She a hoe, she shit on herself.
What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*