Shes jokes

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a COVID-19 test.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.