Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
