She jokes

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.