She jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Subway was a place where you buy subways.
A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she is a dumb b*tch!
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.