She jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.