She jokes

I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

My friend is a proud liberal, and she is about open minds, but she hates white men unless they’re gay and black men unless they’re conservatives. She hated slavery, but she’s for the party for keeping it.

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

Yo Mamma's so ugly, she made One Direction turn into the other direction!

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....

Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?

When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.

When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.