She jokes

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.