Sex jokes

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

Big penis.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.

How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?

Her crayons are still wet.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Why should you always wear rubber?

So you don’t leave DNA evidence.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!

What's another name for cumming inside a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.