Sex jokes
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
What’s another name for nutting in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,
5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.
Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.