Gays: "I like men."
Straight: "I like women."
Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole.
She screamed until her hands got tired.
Yo' Mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
A drunk walks into and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an a$$hole!"
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
I was digging a hole in the garden untill i found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered i was digging a hole in the garden.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall and when I got out a handicap man told me that I was an a**hole and I told him “bet you won’t stand up and say that to my face” and hen he broke down.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked "It's dark in here isn't?" and the other one says "I don't know I can't see.
Does your shoe have a hole in it
No
Then how did you put your foot in it
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!
when i saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, i told him to censor that a-hole. when i saw the completed product, he censored me. then i killed him.
i was digging a hole in my garden then i found a treasure chest i was so happy i went to tell my wife but then i remembered why i was digging a hole
yo mama sooo stupid when i said "go deep" she dug a hole in the feild
How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole
