Self-esteem jokes

I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.

Kid: You're so fat!

Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.

This joke is short... like your dick!

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

I cry when you leave the room. They're tears of joy because you have an ugly hairline.

If you need help, you will need trash, 'cause you the trash.

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.

I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.

Why don't you have a life?

Because you're ugly.

Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

Your hairline went so back, you had to cry to your mama!

Wanna hear a joke?

Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')

Even the World Trade Center underwent a better upgrade than your ugly ass.