See Jokes

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?" She points off the cliff and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside all mangled and dead. The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

Roses are red violets are blue when I see you I play with my poo

orphan- am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there

orphan-realizes

a man dies and goes to heaven he sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for, he replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. he said that mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincon's once, and George Washington's never. the man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Bidden's is the one keeping the hurricane's to speed

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, sl*t!" I walked towards him. "I prefer slit." I said. "Why?" He asked. "You see this wrists?" I spat at him.

So a girl says to her ex I can't get you out of my mind the boyfriend I knew you we've the girl replies I see you in everything like when I'm walking down the street even at work like trash cans are everywhere

A boy walks in to class with shirt, pants, underwear, and socks teacher says “where have you been” the boy says on a peach hill.

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks teacher says “Where have you been” boy says on a peach hill.

Then a girl walk in a the teacher says “ And where on earth have you been” the girl says “ well you see...” then teacher stops her and says “ let me guess on a peach hill” girl says “ no on 2 big cucumbers.

So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.

A note for my old English Teacher:

Mr colin, who loves making a din, he thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, that's not what everyone shows, about his life he ploughs and ploughs, about his dog bella and his relation-ship woes... mr colin, we do not care, when you speak, our minds are not there, your life you have unnecessarily shared, when we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr colin, rumbling about his exceptions, just when someone puts something in the bin, or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, but Mr Colin, drinking too much gin, will flail all his annoying attention on him, he'll push his limits, right to the rim... And just how i love flan~ Oh he's finally gone~

@DreamBlue

why do ducks have feathers? *so you don't see their butt*quack* (crack)

I cant wait to see Uranus😂

Q:Why did the first Koala Fall off the tree A: Because it was dead Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too. Q:Why did the third Koala fall off the tree A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down Q:Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree A: It was tied to the fifth koala Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree A: Peer group pressure