See jokes

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

Hey! This site has a home page, but I wonder if the orphans can see it.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.