See Jokes

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see a floor show.

A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank has jotted that down on his notebook he says, "o, i c"

When I see your face there's one thing I want to change The direction I'm looking

See, morbid humour is just like water, not everyone gets it.

why do priests perform baptisms, so they can see children wet

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out

Why did the man fall into a well ? He couldn’t see that well

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok... mhmmm.. WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it..) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn't know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny :() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon! :3 Me now hates my life. :)

An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

when your sitting in class and the quiet kid yells lovely day isnt it ... and u see a Glock shape in his pocket

A collection of 911 jokes.

What kinda pizza did they order at 911?

Plane.

What was the colour of 911?

Plane.

What is the fasted way to see 911?

Plane.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I see some objects over there... oh never mind, that's a woman.

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, It has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, It has moved twice so he sinned twice." "The man asks, Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."