Say jokes

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

"You're too young to smoke!"

That's not even a bad joke-

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Steven.

Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."

What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"

Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.

Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!

Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.

There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where is my tractor?"

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "