Say jokes

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

"You're too young to smoke!"

That's not even a bad joke-

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

What did the dinosaur say to the man?

It didn’t, they're dead.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

It's supposed to say "goes," not "goes."