Say jokes

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

What did the whale say?

Nothing!

It just wailed.

What did the doctor say to the potato?

It told it it had tuberculosis.

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

What did one canyon say to the other?

You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.

What time is it when you say "bad day?"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Cows say, "Moo, not who."

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”