Say jokes

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Steven.

Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

What time is it when you say "bad day?"

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.