Say jokes

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

"You're too young to smoke!"

That's not even a bad joke-

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

What do 2 emo kids say to each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

*Slaps wrist*

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What did the Titanic say to the people as it went down?

"I now nominate you to the ice bucket challenge!"

Wesley, stop saying your life is a joke.

Jokes have meaning.

What does Hitler's partner say when he begins?

"Hindin!"