Say jokes
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
Memes
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Cow says,
"Cow says who?"
No! Cow says moo!
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”