Say jokes

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?

HO, HO, HO!

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"