Say jokes

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

What did God say to the black person?

"Oops, I burned one."😳

Not racist, just funny.

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"