Say jokes

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?

HO, HO, HO!

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Cow says,

"Cow says who?"

No! Cow says moo!

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.

What did the poo say to the fart:

You blow me away!