Say jokes

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?

Man, you are really on edge.

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

What did the hairdresser say to the power line?

"Want a power cut?"

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"