Say jokes
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
What did Connor Lys Clark say to Karl Kassulke? "I love bridges!"
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
What did the zoo say to the snow ❄️? Get lost!
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
What did John Cena say to Ray Charles?
Hey, man.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.
What do black lesbians say about pussy?
"Smells like chicken, tastes like chicken."
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?