Say jokes
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?
I have to Pikashoe.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
What did the 3 say to the 8? Have fun!
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"