Say jokes
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
Why did one emo say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
A friend of mine says "Baguette" all the time cuz she is French.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."